Another Reunion, Two Regrets, Back to the Pain, The Painted Lady, Long Lost Works and New Stuff

So, I finally broke down and handled another one of those “Davis, just fucking suck it up and go there” sort of things.  I went and visited with Jeff and Wanda.

I had been avoiding this for quite a while now.  I left for a reason.  Nick mentions that I should go over there from time to time, and I always grumble and growl at him about it  – though I always end it with, “But yeah, I should go see them.”  Then I don’t do it.

The problem is, I became friends with Jeff and Wanda when they were open, friendly people who didn’t have a whole lot of negative in their life.  Honestly, I think it’s some of the people they called “friends” that did it to them – people who’d happily use their kindness, and leave nothing in return.  Towards the end of their time on Marcilene, and definitely after they moved to their new place, they started to turn negative.  So much of it was directed at the people they called friends, but it was indiscriminate.  

Eventually I couldn’t handle it anymore.  I couldn’t stand the badmouthing of people behind their backs, including the woman I was married to at the time.  

Well, Nick can pat himself on the back – sure, the final straw was a combination of last weeks “reunions” and unfinished business in my life, and Seth calling me specifically to say Jeff had commented about missing me.  *SIGH*  Fuck it, it’s time goddamnit.  So after Kaida’s birthday, I called Nick and got an address.  I didn’t even bother calling ahead – I just showed up on their porch.

All admit, that last part?  That was just another case of Davis amusing himself.  Why call ahead and say I’m coming over when I can just drop by and cause just a bit more shock? 🙂  Jeff definitely raised his eyebrows a bit when he answered the door, and gave me a big hug.  Wanda is the one I had real fun with.  Jeff says “Hey Wanda, come in here for a minute.” in a plain voice, grinning just a bit.  She responds she’ll be there in a minute, she’s a little busy.  He tells me quietly she’s playing Marrowind.  I hand him my smokes and my drink, and go sneak up on Wanda, and attack her with a blind-side hug, scaring the hell out of her.  So I got to amuse myself twice in one trip 😉

Gotta say, they’ve calmed down quite a bit – one other grouse was how they dealt with their children, but I don’t really put a lot of importance on that unless people are like, beating their children or something.  Well, that’s not quite the right way to describe it – it’s not a reason to just pack up and leave.  Everyone has a different style, and each approach scars children for life differently 😉

But it seemed to be representative of changes in their life – they were considerably calmer and less negative.  We’ll see if that continues to be the case, but they must have mentioned at least a dozen people without saying anything bad about ’em.  That would be a dozen more than the last time I sat with them in their house and talked.

The usual catchup routine was done – what’s happened in the last few years, what we’re all up to now, etc. along with reminiscing about the old days (including EF days.  I’ve got to drag Devi, Beowulfie from EF, down there one of these days now.)

Amazing how much I can stress over something as simple as that sometimes.  Devi’s right – sometimes, I sweat the small stuff too much.  Though I’m still trying to decide, in my life, what’s the small stuff and what isn’t.

I also had the vague thought when I was leaving there, maybe I should drop another one of my “I’m not speaking to (x)” bans.  Jessica.  I ran into her at Kaida’s birthday, and didn’t think much about it at the time, but after talking to Jeff and Wanda, well, fuck.  It’s not like Jess and I have a lot to talk about, but considering I was at an event she was at, and managed not to talk to her the whole time, that goes contrary to my nature these days.  She’s one of to people who are cast out.  The other one, of course, is Greg.  And you know what?  That fucker can just stay the hell outta my life.  With time?  Who knows.  But unlike Jeff and Wanda, I don’t imagine that as a friendship that will ever return, for a lot of reasons.

I’ve got a life that doesn’t really have a lot of regrets most days.  Most days.  I’m in an odd place, with an odd life.  And I like it that way.  And since I’m a “published author”, I’m now allowed to have terms like “eccentric” and “bohemian lifestyle” applied to me (instead of “nutjob” and “worthless bastard”.)

Every once in a while I run across something that does trigger some regrets.

Devi had been getting pretty stressed out lately – she’s packed her life a bit full, trying to find things to focus on and fulfill herself (gee, like I don’t know how that one works.)  In the process, she might have overdone it in a few areas.  She commented that she needed a day off.

I shrugged – “Hell, hon, just drop the kids off with me, and take a day off.  Marc and Madi are good kids, I’ll set up Guitar Hero on the PS 2 or something, and just keep an eye on ’em.  They should be fine.”

She had to pause and think about that one.  Marc and Madi have been around me a number of times, and they were fine with me.  But watching them for a couple of hours?  That’s a different story.  But she needed the time away from everyone – kids, friends, all of it.  

So we set up a plan – she’d drop them off around 9 AM (end ended up being 10 AM), and pick them up a few hours later.  I had meetings later in the day, so I couldn’t keep them for long.  I gave the house a mega cleaning the night before, just so it was clean enough for kids to be around.

Well, my first meeting canceled.  So when she stopped by to drop them off I informed her plans had changed – she had until 2:30 PM now, which SHOULD in theory be enough time for me to be ready for a 3 PM meeting.  This bought her more time to relax alone.  She had her cellphone on her, and would be in Wichita, so if something happened, I could get ahold of her easily.  

Around 2 PM, my 3 PM couldn’t be reached, and couldn’t confirm the appointment.  Well, crap.  I called her, and explained – kids had been fed, all was well, and by the way?  You don’t have to pick ’em up until 6 PM, since I have no meetings.  

The day was… awesome.  That’s all I can describe it as.  I set them up with the PS 2 and Guitar Hero, and away they went.  I only had one guitar, so they each got 30 minutes – I turned on the timer in my phone, and moderated who’s turn it was.  And between turns, I’d slide in and play one or two songs myself.

I had set my computer up in the main room, so I could keep tabs on them.  Now, one would think with two kids in the house that I’m keeping tabs on, and me taking a break every 30 minutes or so to play a quick round of Guitar Hero, I’d get nothing done.  But it was just the opposite – I got a hell of a lot done.  The energy levels in the house were just so damned high – it was amazing.  

Which brings the regrets.  I view myself as too old, and unlikely to find a mate these days to have kids with.  So, I figure I’ll never have kids.  Yes, some people have pointed out that there’s still time – my dad had one in his 50’s.  But, shit, I’m me.  It’s just not gonna happen, just like finding a lifelong relationship ain’t in the cards for me either – I’ve already proved no matter how good or bad the match, it’s not gonna last 🙂  Which of course is the other regret – I’ve yet to ever make a relationship work.  I’m not particularly “broken” or anything – I’m just me.  And without a working relationship, there’s no kids.  Eh, that’s what book writing is for, right? 🙂

This week I decided to take an off week from working out.  The rib had been a problem, and I really wanted to heal it up.  Plus, I felt I had already achieved one of the first goals: getting my strength back.

And I managed to prove that one – after Nick left Kaida’s party, Madi, Marc, and Alex (a friend of Devi’s kid) decided to use me as a jungle gym for a bit – and I was MORE than strong enough to handle all three of them at once.  I couldn’t quite FIT three kids in one arm, but I could get two, which between Marc and Madi is around 140 lbs easily.  No problemo.  My endurance is excellent.  So that get the second goal too.

So I’m changing up my workout a bit.  It’s time to do a little more appearance work instead.  I’ve still got too much fat on my arms to make ’em look really good (though you can see the vein across my bicep part of the time now), and they could use a little bulking.  

The schedule will now rotate – day one is cardio and upper body.  Day two is cardio and ab / lower body. Repeat.  

This should help development of nicer looking muscle structure.  I think.  🙂  Originally I was pushing the program for 5 – 7 days a week, but that’s actually MORE than the original program I moddled it after, which is only M/W/F for muscular development, which means I was overtaxing my muscles (which was intentional on my part – I wanted STRENGTH, massive strength in a hurry.)  

We’ll see what happens.  But ya know what?  I sat around Kaida’s birthday party, and talking to Jeff and Wanda, in one of my Merona workout shirts, and felt just fine with it.  I feel like I look a hell of a lot better.  And self image is possibly more important than how I actually look 😉

Visiting Jeff and Wanda, something interesting happened – Jeff pointed out he still had the novel I was working on ages ago.  WHAT?!  This thing is long since lost.  And given my current fascination with writing, I couldn’t resist getting that back.  I read bits of it, and well…

Thank god my writing ability has improved.  The ONLY thing of redeeming value was the introduction, which I retyped into my Deviant Art account and posted:

Now THAT?  I love.  It’s fascinating to me – powerful.  After that, well, it all goes to hell in a hand basket.  *SIGH*

(Meredith will probably be one of the only people who know a damned thing about the development of this book 🙂

There’s also lots of other goodies slowly being put on my dA account – like BodyZone, which was a short story that evolved from a comment I made on Twitter.  Feel free to peruse it sometime if ya’ like.